While I know full well the benefits of an attitude of gratitude, and the exhortations to be thankful for our blessings, I have to be honest it is hard to be thankful this week. In the early stages of grief, being thankful is difficult. I am in a state of mourning the loss of someone I dearly love; I am just very sad all the time. “Why did I ever come out of the womb to see trouble and sorrow,” is how I feel most of the time (Jeremiah 20:18). I know I need to eventually become a triumphant survivor who does not spend the rest of my days complaining or blaming. So I thought of some things to be thankful for:
- That Fiona didn’t know she was dying, wasn’t scared, and didn’t appear to suffer greatly. Assurance that she is safe, happy, joyful and at peace.
- For the gift of her life, raising, knowing and loving her.
- My surviving children, who are healthy physically and emotionally, and are secure in the knowledge of our love for them.
- Loving family members; in-laws who know the pain of losing a child; caring aunties who take my children fun places, spend time with them and love them.
- A loving, caring, funny, husband to share my life with.
- Caring friends (and even strangers) who send cards, texts, bring meals and treats, invite to do things, have over for a meal, go for coffee, talk, listen, and encourage.
- My children all have wonderful friends who are caring, fun and supportive, and have great parents who have been so kind to them and to our family.
- My mom who loves my children as deeply as I do.
- Running, which is my therapy, and caring, kind friends to run with.
- Our kitten, Eevee, who keeps Poppy entertained, especially in the mornings and at bathtime, when Poppy was so used to being with Fiona. Eevee loves to play with the bath bubbles; she has not fallen in the tub yet but will one of these days.
- Coffee and chocolate, two of my favorite things that are life’s small pleasures. Fiona loved them too (coffee ice cream and flavored, sweetened coffee for her!)
- Awesome schools and teachers for all my kids, now and throughout their lives.
- A great soccer season for Poppy this fall.
- Living in a free country and a beautiful state.
- Being debt free thanks to Dave Ramsey, many blessings, hard work, and a lot of sacrifices.
- A cozy, comfortable house.
- A stress free part time job with a big, nice office, meaningful work and supportive co-workers.
- A caring, supportive school community that installed a Buddy Bench and planted a beautiful tree in Fiona’s memory.
There are many more things I could list, it feels very healing to do so. I would recommend it for anyone who is feeling down.