Out of all my girls, Fiona seemed to enjoy celebrating every holiday the most. Valentine’s Day was a favorite, due to the chocolate which was one of her favorite foods, and the sweet notes given and received. Each Valentine’s Day, the girls would wake to a trail of Dove chocolate hearts leading from their beds to the dining table. I would decorate the table for a Valentine’s Day breakfast, complete with balloons, flowers, cards, gifts, and candy.
This week has been incredibly painful. I’m missing my beautiful daughter and it’s physically and emotionally painful to not have her here. Valentine’s Day, like all the holidays now, is another reminder of all we have lost, the suffering we are enduring without her in our family, and the future with her that will never be. She should be here, writing Valentine’s cards to her friends, helping me bake, finding the trail of hearts and surprises with her sisters, bringing treats to school, and enjoying a party with her classmates. I should be able to express my love to her as her mom; she was such a precious gift. But I can’t. I don’t know how to move forward as there was so much good left behind.